How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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