Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
