I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
