I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
