Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
