Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
