I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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