do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize