Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
