Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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