jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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