What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
