once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
