porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
