is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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