My friends, they love my intelligence
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
