they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
