he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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