so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize