haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
