Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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