I'm really into asian looking animals
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
