just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion