sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America