i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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