I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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