Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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