In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
