How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
