Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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