I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
