I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
