so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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