1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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