i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
