I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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