3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
