I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
