i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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