Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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