So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
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today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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