physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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