the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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