I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
