so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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