hell yes lets make some ravioli
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
