Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
