I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize