There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
