I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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