She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
