ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
