I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
