What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
