People in love make me want to vomit
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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