At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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