did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And then the night went full on bisexual.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
